someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
