Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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