just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
