so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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