so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i out mim tonsoeep
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