My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
