READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
