i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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