Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
