First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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