i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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