I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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