Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
