I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
