I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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