god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I look better un-naked...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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