you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
