he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
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