So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
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3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
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Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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