I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
