Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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