You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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