i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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