Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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