shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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