im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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