i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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