If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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