If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
