Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
