fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
