He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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