Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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