I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
