You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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