her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
