Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
