I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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