"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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