So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
