I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
