You just made me feel so damn special
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
