Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
