zippers are such a cool invention
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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