How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
