K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
