happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
