how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
