Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
