i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
