sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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