I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
