Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Randomize
