If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
