false alarm. still invincible.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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