well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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