I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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