I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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