you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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