I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
