I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have tasted many bathrooms
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
