I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
