Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
