if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
