Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
