Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
