Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
