Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
