Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
