problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
