I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
