dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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